Asterisk Would Like Some Cheese With Her Whine

I don't want to be all cliche and complain about sizing, but it's reached the point where it's beyond annoying.

Here's how to size men's pants:

Take the waist measurement. Take the inseam measurement (I think that means leg length). 

Here's how to size women's pants:

Take the waist measurement and divide by four. Add three. Convert to millimeters and multiply by 2000. Write the number on a piece of paper, and then burn that paper. Drop a handful of colored marbles on the floor an count them. The number of blue marbles in that particular handful is the number you put for the size of the pants. 

WHERE IS THE DAMN CONSISTENCY!?

This makes shopping difficult. Not to mention borrowing clothes. 

Depending on the size, brand, store, and oh wow, COLOR of the item, I can fit between a five and an eight. 

But for dresses it's a three or four. What?

And it's the primary reason shopping in super handy cheap places like Goodwill or Ross are a huge pain in the ass. I can be like "oh, this dress is a 5. I'm a seven, but I can probably wriggle into it. OH WAIT, it's TOO BIG. Oh, and it's the only one. Cool."

Or "oh, there isn't a single pair of pants in the entire store that fit properly so clearly I will have to go somewhere expensive AGAIN."

Seriously?!

On the bright side, it reinforces the fact that numbers on clothes are just arbitrary bullshit, and therefore are a lousy basis of comparison.

Take that fashion world. Your "size zero" means nothing to me. 

~Asterisk